sarah + the rebel
A place for thoughts, photos, and memories.
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Whew. I’m back at school after a weekend in PA of shooting my first wedding! Chaotic, stressful, and last-minute, but incredibly beautiful. The whole weekend was such a great demonstration of godly, beautiful love. I am so blessed to be one of the few people that captured all the little details of that love on film—the way that the bride and groom kept looking at each other, the groom’s hand on his wife’s back, the bride’s father kissing her/giving her away, the pastor praying over the rings—all of it was so lovely.
Now just to study for my 8 am final and then I can get some much-needed sleep!
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You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness, like resignation to the end, always the end.
So when we found that we could not make sense, you said that we could still be friends.
But you didn’t have to cut me out, make it like it never happened and we were nothing.
I don’t want to live that way, reading into every word you say.
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letting go.
I’m slowly, painfully learning how to let go.
I have so many expectations for how my life should go, and who should be in it. Where did I get all of these plans? Probably from other people’s stories, or my own fantasies. The terrible thing is that while I know that God has a much better story planned out for me, I am still unwilling to let go of my own expectations.
I can’t unclench my fist. I have no idea how to let go.
My pastor this morning asked us a question: is there an elephant in the room of your spiritual life? Is there something so huge that it takes up literally every inch of your heart, but you still pretend like it’s not there? I do. This will all probably sound extremely vague, but this isn’t the place to go into detail.
I’m struggling with the fact that God can put someone in your life and then take them away, regardless of your idea of how your future with that person should go. I felt like God put a seemingly perfect situation in my life, and I can’t understand why He would take it away. I was faced with the question: If God were to take a specific person away from you, would you still be content with God? I’m learning to accept that God Himself is enough in my life. If I don’t accept that, I have made someone (or something) into an idol.
I have to let go.
My pastor this morning challenged us to let Jesus get rid of that elephant in the room—that thing that is keeping us from Him. He compared it to vomiting—it feels terrible when it’s happening, but afterwards you feel better than you did before. And the whole time, Jesus is next to you, rubbing your back, saying “Just get it all out.” Strange analogy, I know, but it feels so accurate. I need to be free of this, I need to let go.
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Psalm 46
“God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
